Moroni's Challenge and Testimony: A Personal Perspective

And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.” (Moroni 10: 4)

    I have been taught all my life, as most members of the church have, that Moroni’s promise would provide me with the sweetest assurance I could ever hope to have in life – a burning testimony of the Book of Mormon and the gospel of Jesus Christ, one that would transcend all logic, supercede all reason, and trump all knowledge:

“Each of us… can know with surety that these things [the teachings of the restored gospel] are true…We do not need to rely upon intellect or our physical senses. We study, we pray, and…we may even fast, and then comes a still, small voice and a throbbing heart. Imagine a personal revelation from God that these things are true. The very thought of it makes my heart throb.” (Richard C. Edgley, "A Still, Small Voice and a Throbbing Heart," Ensign, May 2005, 12)

    Like many others before me, I sought for that personal revelation that would cause my heart to “throb” with joy. I took “Moroni’s challenge,” and over time, I developed a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. But in recent years, I have uncovered information that has challenged my testimony of the Book of Mormon and the church to the very core. After countless hours of intense study and fervent prayer, I have come to the unfortunate but definite conclusion that the church, its scriptures, and its historical narratives are not what they purport to be. 

    Still, how could I forget the many spiritual experiences that have happened in church settings – experiences that had produced undeniable feelings of peace, love, and warmth? As I was first going through the turmoil of inner-change, I had to figure out how to reconcile my newly found unbelief with the vivid memory of feelings that had inspired belief. My restless mind played these experiences over and over again, to the point where I could almost taste the joy that accompanied them.

    As I searched the archives of my mind, I began to recall several different experiences that soon shed some much-needed light on my disconcerting situation. One of these occurred not too long before my investigation into Mormon origins. One night, while I was watching an inspiring program on television, I felt that familiar “burning in the bosom.” As I sat there savoring the moment, I began to pull back for a moment and really think about what I was feeling. I then realized that it was indistinguishable from the emotional responses I’ve had in the temple, in fast and testimony meetings, and at youth conferences. But I refrained from exploring the issue any further - it was too risky to entertain a line of thinking that might eventually challenge my concept of “testimony.” These feelings, as I understood them, were reserved for a Holy Ghost whose job was to testify of the truthfulness of the restored gospel. To discover otherwise would have been too unsettling.

    As I continued to wrestle with my spiritual dilemma, I remembered an experience I had back in 1996, when I took part in a three day training to learn an alternative emotional healing technique. While I had looked forward to the event, I found myself recoiling soon after my arrival. I simply wasn’t comfortable with what I considered to be an esoteric environment filled with eccentric people. I fought through the uneasiness, however, and decided to search for any truth and light I could gain from the experience. 

    It’s good that I did, because it turned out to be one of the most intense and sustained spiritual experiences of my life. Never had I felt so enlightened. Rarely had I ever been so “filled” with love. Whether or not the Holy Ghost was responsible for it, I couldn’t say. Then again, it really didn’t matter what the cause of it was, it just was. There was no one there to interpret it for me – no one to assign it meaning. The experience was left alone to speak for itself.

    I continued to reconstruct the events that challenged my assumptions about the meaning of spiritual feelings, and then recalled a compelling story that I heard in an Elder’s Quorum lesson many years ago. The president of the quorum, Neil, told of a time when he was teaching the discussions to an Italian professor of religion. After a futile discussion about doctrine and history, Neil decided to share his testimony. He explained to the professor that after the dust of debate had settled, he would still be left with the undeniable witness of the spirit. Neil told us that the professor became frustrated with him and replied, “Are you Mormons so arrogant as to think that you’re the only people that feel this strongly about your faith?”

    I sat there and tried my best to listen to Neil, but I couldn’t help but notice a subtle agitation in my stomach. I doubt there was anyone there that day that took the professor’s words as seriously as I did. I’m sure Neil intended to use the story to set up the rest of his faith promoting lesson, but I was not ready to move on yet. I was stuck on one of the most disturbing questions I had ever heard. Indeed, the Italian professor had made his point loud and clear that day, and from that time forward, I would find myself rehearsing his question over and over again. 

    Thinking about it too much was a dangerous prospect, however, for I might have come to the conclusion that “Mormon’s are not the only ones that feel this way about their faith.” If that were true, then I would be forced to confront another daunting question: Could the Holy Ghost testify of the truthfulness of other faiths?

    It wasn’t but a few years later that these kinds of questions began flooding into my mind. I questioned whether “testimonies” were unique to the restored church, or if they were shared by millions outside of my faith. I wondered if these feelings emanate from God, as I understand Him, from some other divine source, or simply from my own psychological processes. Perhaps more than anything, I desired to understand what these feelings really mean. I started to think about all the forms I had seen the “spirit” take in my lifetime, and began to conclude that people can find the Holy Ghost in just about anything their imaginations can conjure. 

    While on my mission, an assistant to the mission president filled with “righteous indignation” once chastised me for allowing my junior companion to speak his mind during a meeting, in which he justly criticized the zone leaders for constantly focusing only on our deficiencies. The AP scolded me for the better part of a half hour, hurling several, personal insults at me. For example, he told me he would exhort me to hit my knees and pray for forgiveness for my sins, but that it wouldn’t do any good as he and I "didn’t believe in the same God." According to him, I had done “nothing but waste my time” in the mission field with nothing to show but a pitiful number of converts who “might make it to the Celestial Kingdom, but definitely without me.”

    Later that night, he consoled me on the phone in an obvious attempt to follow the D&C’s counsel to “show an increase of love.” He acknowledged that his words were harsh, but insisted that he was constrained by the Spirit to say what he did. As it turned out, the Spirit moved him quite often after that, as he went around the mission rebuking other elders with the same routine and the same insults! Now was that the Holy Ghost, or simply a 20 year-old kid intoxicated with his first taste of power and authority?

    Years later, the same power that fell upon this missionary inspired a Born-Again Christian co-worker of mine to bear his testimony. He told me that he knew with all his heart that Joseph Smith was a fraud. Apparently, the testimony I had just offered him didn’t have the desired effect. Now which one of us had the Spirit? Would it really be acceptable to dismiss his belief simply because it was not consistent with mine? 

    And what does this say about the spiritual convictions of people outside Christianity? When followers of Islam weep as they hear the Koran read from the minaret, are they also feeling the Spirit? If so, what conclusions do they come to – that Islam is the true faith; that Mohamed is the true Messenger; that the Koran is the word of God? 

    I recently watched a CNN special feature called "Gods Warriors" that displayed video footage of President Achmidinijad of Iran speaking to a Shiite cleric about how Allah had held his audience transfixed as he addressed the United Nations. He said that observers later told him that they had seen a heavenly light rest upon him as he spoke. Admittedly, my first reaction upon hearing this was to scoff. But when I began to consider it more carefully, I realized that his assertions weren’t any crazier than Joseph Smith's story of a “light brighter than the noonday sun!"

    So where has this all lead me? Though I may never fully understand the nature and origins of spiritual experiences, I have reached at least a few conclusions:

1) If Moroni’s challenge works for Mormons and their faith, the same principle will work for Catholics and theirs.

2) It’s clear to me now that the “manifestation of the spirit” is such a part of worldwide religious experience, that it cannot be claimed as the exclusive gift of any one faith. Moreover, it doesn’t belong only to religion. It is a human phenomenon!

3) Considering the subjective nature of spiritual experiences and the multiplicity of interpretations people give them, they are hardly an accurate way to arrive at truth. 

4) I’ve learned that it’s people that give meaning to feelings, not feelings that give meaning to people.

5) If divine, these feelings are accessible to everyone as they encounter, consider, and embrace light and truth in all its forms. 

6) If not divine, then perhaps they are simply a part of our complex physiology. 

    Divine or not, I am certainly thankful for these feelings, for they serve to enlighten, guide, and inspire people to build character and lift others, and help to create some of the most treasured moments in our lives!