Zelph! The Musical

March 11, 2009:

Preparations are now underway to create a new Mormon musical adventure, intended to become an alternative to the Hill Cumorah Pageant. Contracts are being negotiated to secure a performance venue at a Palmyra area farm, just about a mile or so from the Hill. The production is scheduled to be finished by 2015 (We understand that 6 years is a long way off, but hey, it's a year less than the 7  it took for Joseph Smith to publish the Book of Abraham translation).


Here is a snapshot of some of the songs that will be available on the limited edition pre-opening soundtrack:
 
1) "You've Got Your Slings, but I've Got My Arrow" -  a kind of silly, self-deprecating number about all the unfortunate things that can happen in life, including death by arrowhead.

2) "Mighty Onanandagus, Like a Scot Without the Haggis" - a robust, anthem-like number about a righteous warrior-general who wears nothing under his armor and is "as famous as can be, from sea to shining sea."

3) "Feel It in My Bones" -  a very somber, self-reflective tune about life's little regrets and other trifling matters, like the extinction of an entire civilization.

4) "Diggin' It" -  a celebratory, euphoric romp, complete with a chorus line of kicking skeletal femurs. This production number erupts when Zelph is finally disinterred and his life story is "perceived" by Joseph Smith the prophet.

With the orchestral arrangement swelling, the climactic scene finds the ghost of Zelph proudly watching over while his story is written in a special manuscript. 

The musical ends, however, with a tragic twist of fate as Martin Harris loses the manuscript somewhere on Broadway after failing to sell the copyright.